She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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