i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You've changed since you got that strap on
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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