my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
