hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
