we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
