just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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