If i come over, it means nothing
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
