Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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