I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
