Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
