I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
