Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
