I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
