the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
