this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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