haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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