a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i permit you to call me
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
