She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
