Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
