Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
