my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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