The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
