Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
