what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Your penis caused this!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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