If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
