I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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