I'm passing your future prison.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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