she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
