this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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