Who wears a wallet chain?!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
