My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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