I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
