I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
