I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
