Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
