The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
