new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
