It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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