he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
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no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
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I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
There are leaves in my underwear?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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