dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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