Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
