Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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