got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
