if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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