i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
