He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We need a shit load of segways right now
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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