New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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