I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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