Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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