I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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