And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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