yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
