I just saw a hot homeless man
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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