We're like a lot better than the average bears
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
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He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
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Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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