I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
