Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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