i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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