I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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