That's when you crack a 10am beer
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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