Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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