I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My butt remains clenched, sir.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
