you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
