i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
