I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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