So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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