My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
