She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
