so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
