so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
