the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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