Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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