Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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