He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
