make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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